Anxiety

When I was younger, I didn't believe in anxiety. As I have gotten older, I have gotten wiser. Now I know for a fact there is anxiety and I also know that I suffer from random attacks of it. Usually I get an attack every couple months when I remember that I forgot to turn in some random paperwork at work, but this isn't that simple anymore. You may think that my anxiety is fueled by my upcoming nuptuals, but actually it isn't. My anxiety attacks that I have had for the past two evenings deal with me moving out of my grandfather's house. I'm certainly not worried that BJ and I are going to move in together and end up hating each other because if he can stand me through 2 years of wedding planning, then he can stand to live with me. Instead I am worried about my grandpa. I know that I haven't been around his house as much as I should/could have been over the past 15 months of residency there, but for some reason the thought of moving out of there and leaving him alone is really upsetting to me. I know that I am supposed to grow up and move on with my life, but I feel like I am leaving him behind in a way. I know that he is a very lonely man (which is self induced, mostly) and that his 3 bedroom house is way too big for him, but I just feel like by me living there, that I made the past year a little easier on him. The house was rather empty when I moved in. I just feel like now there is going to be an even larger amount of emptiness in that house when I move out. When I first moved in, he told me that he felt so much better than he had in the months before and that he had more pep in his step. I worry that moving out will cause that to deteriorate...and I know he is deteriorating now, but I don't want the process to speed up... What causes me the most anxiety right now is picturing my grandpa, sitting in his favorite chair, alone, just staring off into the distance, with no one there to check on him and pick up the papers... And I know he is a very proud man and I know he won't just pick up the phone and call me or my mother... instead he would rather sit there and be miserable and lonely and wait for someone to call him. I am just struggling right now... I'm excited to be moving and finally living with Brendan, but at the same time, I don't want to make my grandpa's life even more lonely than it is now...